“I Hope She's Okay”

A few years ago, I worked in a crisis pregnancy center 
and had gone in one day to clean out some files 
when a salesman came by the office.

His name was Todd, and we talked for a while and then 
although we had concluded our business, he kept sitting there 
as if he had something on his mind. He kept looking at 
some literature on the wall and then he asked some questions 
about what we did at the center. 

I talked with him and explained all of the different areas of 
our ministry.  In the course of our conversation, I mentioned 
a program that we offered to help women who suffered from 
post-abortion syndrome. I told him that a lot of women had 
a difficult time dealing with the emotional, spiritual, 
and physical effects that abortion brought upon their lives. 

He sat quietly for a few moments and then he looked away yet 
he seemed to be trying to say something.  Finally, his voice broke 
as he said, "I hope she's okay."   I wasn't quite sure I had 
heard him correctly since he had spoken so quietly and then 
he repeated himself, “I hope she's okay”.  Suddenly, words 
began to tumble out as he went on to tell me about 
a young man and his girlfriend. 

It was a story I had heard many times before as I worked at 
the center but it usually came from a young girl.  It was about 
two teen-agers and a relationship that went too far and the 
resulting pregnancy.  Next came advice from well-meaning people 
who “just wanted to help” but in the end gave very bad advice. 
It was the all too familiar story of fear and the urgency to get 
out of a frightening situation quickly and I heard the words 
once again, “nobody would have to know”, a common five word 
phrase that is a deception because what is most important 
is what you know in your own heart. 

The story, of course, was about Todd, himself, and it had 
taken place years ago.  Shortly after the abortion, he and his 
girlfriend had gone their separate ways as often happened in such circumstances.  Todd no longer knew where she was 
but he had heard she had gotten married and he 
repeated again, “I hope she's okay.”

Yes, sometimes men feel the pain and loss too, as Todd did 
when the gravity of the situation hit him full force later on 
in his life.  He realized what had really taken place back then 
and he was repentant about those past actions.  Most of all, 
I believe he honestly grieved the loss of his child.  He told me 
that the baby's birthday would have been next month and he 
would have been 12 years old.  He wondered if the child would 
have been tall like him or if he might have played basketball 
the way he did; or perhaps “he” would have been a “she”
and she would have had blue eyes like his girlfriend. 

I was glad Todd stopped by that day and I don't believe his appearance
at the office was any accident.  Usually men don't seem to feel 
the trauma the way women do possibly because they aren't the ones
who carry the baby within their own bodies.  Perhaps, even 
sometimes without really understanding it, the woman senses 
the sacredness of that life she carries.

I talked to Todd for a long time that day and gave him some 
literature that we had for men and offered to put him in touch 
with other men who would lend support. 
I sometimes think about Todd and “I hope he's okay”.

Pamela R. Blaine
© November 2003


Studies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion 
are people who already have been born.